MY COVID PATIENTS- AN ICU NURSE-STAY HOME!
I am a nurse in an ICU in London. This is a story of my experiences with patients. I know out there they are just another statistic but to us, they are patients, dads, mums, brothers, sisters, grandparents, friends, Humans..People. People who were just going about their business before they somehow got into contact with someone infected by the virus. People who are now fighting for their lives in hospital.
People who know me know that am such a people person, I have such interest in people and because of this i end up feeling such sadness on terrible stories or being extremely happy on success stories. I am such a reader of autobiographies or books based on real life stories. So are most of the movies I watch. This explains why, I carry this so heavy, why most of my dreams are about my work at this particular pandemic time.
My first Covid patient was a lucky man, I just so happened to be at work on my birthday. I was bit annoyed for having to work on my birthday, I haven't for many years, either way I showed up. A few weeks earlier we were slowly preparing at work. We had trained on PPE(personal protective equipment)and infection control had done their share in teaching us all we needed to know and had to do to stay safe.
I remember that man so well, he had shortness of breath and on CPAP machine, he was determined to beat this. He suffered through hours in that uncomfortable machine because he knew it was his best chance. He got it from the office. He was not even angry he got it, he was feeling lucky that he got care during the earlier phases of the pandemic in London. He made it back to the ward. Hurrayyyyyy.😀
My second, third, fourth patients have not been so Lucky. The post cancer patient with a wife and a 1 year old at home, he kind of knew his chances were blink, he would call his wife many times a day in fear, I would them talk to his wife to calm her, how do you tell a woman with a 1 year old to try and be strong?, it drove my mind nuts. He did not make it.
The Muslim man with such fear in his eyes, I was helping him one day and he held my hand looking me straight in the eye. 'Do you pray?, he asked me, 'if you do, please mention me in your prayers tonight'.
That night I asked the powers of the universe to shine light upon him, to give him peace in his Covid journey. I asked that for his panicked family too who wanted to see him so badly but couldn't. He is still battling with very slim chances.
The young healthy man in his late 20's who took a little bit longer to access care. He was our first death!😰. I remember donning his mum PPE so she could go say goodbye. The way she was shaking, her scared eyes, we both had tears balancing in our eyes, at the point we locked eyes, she was about to go in, her balancing tears dropped, I ran to the toilet and bawled my eyes out. I balanced tears the rest of the shift. I will never forget her sad eyes.
At some point, I felt like it was just crushing, we had not gotten anyone off the ventilator. I came to work every day hoping someone was off the ventilator alive. When that day came, we did a little dance. A day that brought hope with it.
We are dealing with a lot of others everyday, dealing with patients to whom we are the only people they see. Dealing with Panicked family members on phone. Dealing with sad and crying colleagues. Giving extra hugs to us who need them. Walking and working in fear for the potential risk we are in.
In honour of every person who is fighting this, for their families and friends and in honour of healthcare workers, let us STAY HOME! The more we stay home now, the sooner we are gonna beat this Virus.
Thank you to our support systems out there, our spouses, our families and friends and the human race.
WE CAN DO THIS.
People who know me know that am such a people person, I have such interest in people and because of this i end up feeling such sadness on terrible stories or being extremely happy on success stories. I am such a reader of autobiographies or books based on real life stories. So are most of the movies I watch. This explains why, I carry this so heavy, why most of my dreams are about my work at this particular pandemic time.
My first Covid patient was a lucky man, I just so happened to be at work on my birthday. I was bit annoyed for having to work on my birthday, I haven't for many years, either way I showed up. A few weeks earlier we were slowly preparing at work. We had trained on PPE(personal protective equipment)and infection control had done their share in teaching us all we needed to know and had to do to stay safe.
I remember that man so well, he had shortness of breath and on CPAP machine, he was determined to beat this. He suffered through hours in that uncomfortable machine because he knew it was his best chance. He got it from the office. He was not even angry he got it, he was feeling lucky that he got care during the earlier phases of the pandemic in London. He made it back to the ward. Hurrayyyyyy.😀
My second, third, fourth patients have not been so Lucky. The post cancer patient with a wife and a 1 year old at home, he kind of knew his chances were blink, he would call his wife many times a day in fear, I would them talk to his wife to calm her, how do you tell a woman with a 1 year old to try and be strong?, it drove my mind nuts. He did not make it.
The Muslim man with such fear in his eyes, I was helping him one day and he held my hand looking me straight in the eye. 'Do you pray?, he asked me, 'if you do, please mention me in your prayers tonight'.
That night I asked the powers of the universe to shine light upon him, to give him peace in his Covid journey. I asked that for his panicked family too who wanted to see him so badly but couldn't. He is still battling with very slim chances.
The young healthy man in his late 20's who took a little bit longer to access care. He was our first death!😰. I remember donning his mum PPE so she could go say goodbye. The way she was shaking, her scared eyes, we both had tears balancing in our eyes, at the point we locked eyes, she was about to go in, her balancing tears dropped, I ran to the toilet and bawled my eyes out. I balanced tears the rest of the shift. I will never forget her sad eyes.
At some point, I felt like it was just crushing, we had not gotten anyone off the ventilator. I came to work every day hoping someone was off the ventilator alive. When that day came, we did a little dance. A day that brought hope with it.
We are dealing with a lot of others everyday, dealing with patients to whom we are the only people they see. Dealing with Panicked family members on phone. Dealing with sad and crying colleagues. Giving extra hugs to us who need them. Walking and working in fear for the potential risk we are in.
In honour of every person who is fighting this, for their families and friends and in honour of healthcare workers, let us STAY HOME! The more we stay home now, the sooner we are gonna beat this Virus.
Thank you to our support systems out there, our spouses, our families and friends and the human race.
WE CAN DO THIS.
Liz, You are all doing amazing job there. Im sure all the patients will know that you all did the best you only can. I wish for you all lots of strength with is battle. Everything WILL get better some day in the future. Keep fighting and stay safe my dear ❤️ -JoJo (hersa)
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